Just Wait

Someone cuts us off in traffic, we shake a fist, we swear, or worse, we take off after them.

Someone is slow in the line at the grocery store. We get upset. We might make a comment under our breath. Maybe we physically try to communicate our displeasure in some passive aggressive way.

Things happen. We react. Pretty normal.

After all, we can’t help how we feel. We are entitled to our feelings.

While we are entitled to our feelings, we are not entitled to take them out on other people.

It’s perfectly easy to lash out at someone who has upset us.

But is that the right thing to do?

Have you ever lashed out at someone, or had some other angry response to something and later regretted it?

We’ve all done things that seemed ok in the heat of the moment that didn’t seem so great after we cooled down.

Especially when it comes to dealing with people we love and care about.

Lashing out at a child who’s spilled their juice for the millionth time.

Taking our bad day out on our spouse as soon as we come through the door.

Again, we are entitled to our feelings. We can’t help how we feel.

But we can help what we do with those feelings.

That’s where “Just Wait” comes in.

Our inappropriate responses to our anger are mostly impulses, not well thought out actions.

We can train ourselves to pause, to wait, even for a few seconds.

And that pause can make all the difference in the world.

It helps remove the impulse to shoot back, to inflict harm on another person.

Easier said than done??

Absolutely!!!

It’s hard as hell!!

We are trained to fight back, stand up for ourselves, never back down. It’s almost part of our DNA.

But you can learn to wait. To pause. To give your brain a chance to catch up and process the situation and the emotions you are feeling.

Remember, you are entitled to your feelings.

But you are absolutely responsible for your actions, your words, and the harm you cause other people.

I’ve learned over the years to wait, and it’s made all the difference.

I can’t speak to what works for everyone, but I will use one or all of the following when I need to wait:

• take a breath
• physically remove myself from the situation
• count
• count my breaths
• think about something else – something pleasant
• go for a walk

Sometimes none of that works, so I just ask myself, “Is this worth it”. Do I need to lose my s***.

Or more importantly, “do I want to lose my s***”.

There’s something to be said for taking the high road, especially when you get the feeling someone is intentionally trying to provoke you.

It’s hard. It goes against what we’ve done most of our lives.

Fight back. Defend. Attack.

But I don’t want to be that person.

Hurt people, hurt people.

I don’t want to hurt people, even those who have hurt me.

Most of the time, when I look back, I wish I hadn’t said something hurtful, or I wish I had walked away. I feel bad about myself for giving in to the easy path.

To be clear, I’m not great at this. I still let my emotions get the best of me sometimes.

I am human, after all.

But the important thing is that I try.

Many times I succeed. And I’m proud of those times. They help build momentum for more successes.

Most of all I don’t quit. I keep trying to wait, to do something productive with my emotions.
It’s hard. It’s a lifelong battle. Hopefully I keep getting better and stronger.

Who knows, maybe someday I’ll even get good at it!

But in the meantime, I wait.