Victor or Victim?

Yesterday was Easter Sunday, and for the first time in my life I found myself alone for most of the day. 

I spent part of my day moping around feeling bad for myself. I looked out my windows and saw neighbors gathered with their families having fun outside in the beautiful weather and I felt like a big fat loser. 

It’s possible I enjoyed being a victim. The only problem was that I wasn’t a victim at all. I ended up alone as a result of choices that I made. Being alone was a consequence of my decisions. 

That’s when it hit me, my situation was simply the logical outcome of choices I made and there was no point in moping around the house any longer. In that moment I decided that I didn’t want to be a victim, I wanted to be a victor.

So I went to the gym and squatted. The gym has been one of the few constants in my life for over 20 years, so it was a natural choice. The gym was empty, and I very much felt at home with the iron. 

After the gym I finished painting a bedroom that has been waiting patiently for my attention and as luck would have it I ended the night surrounded by my kids. 

I don’t know why, but it was easy to mope around and feel bad for myself. Throwing my own pity party was easy and satisfying, who’d blame me? Holidays are meant for food family and fun, and I didn’t have any of that. 

But, I’m so glad I didn’t spend the entire day as a victim, because I wasn’t a victim at all. Once I realized that, the choice seemed clear, and I have a feeling I will be more aware of those victim feelings in the future because it felt really good to go to bed last night as a victor. 

Choice is an amazingly powerful force.