A year ago tonight I stood in a small room with other family members and watched my Grandfather pass away. As he frequently reminded us he had lived a good and long life and was more than ready to be with my Grandmother who had passed away a year and a half earlier.
To be perfectly honest, it was a perplexing evening as I was (naturally) sad at his passing, but at the same time I was happy that he had finally been granted his final wish. The entire experience was very different that what we see in the movies and left me deep in thought for many months afterward. On the year anniversary of his death I find myself with one overpowering thought on the whole experience: the finality and absolute end that death brings.
For years my grandfather would tell us that he had lived a very good life and that he had no regrets and he felt very fortunate to be able to say that. Perhaps that’s why I met his passing with both sadness and joy – sadness and what was really my loss, but joy at a life well lived.
On the long ride home the night he passed, I also realized that it really didn’t matter if someone had no regrets – death will eventually take all of us whether we are ready of not. Death isn’t going to stop and ask us if we are ready, it will simply take us without regret or remorse or emotion.
It is very cliche to say ‘live in the moment’ or ‘live for today’ or ‘live without regrets’ (of course there are hundreds of such sayings). But I’ve realized in the past year that it’s a long way from saying it to truly living it. I’ve tried hard to evaluate my life over the past year – trying to sort out things that I might someday regret doing from those I might someday regret not doing. Such thinking has begun to reshape my behavior and caused me to reevaluate some choices that I make, particularly as it pertains to family and how I spend my time.
It’s possible I will live a long life, it’s also possible I will not wake up tomorrow. In addition to the other gifts my Grandparents gave me, the most valuable may end up being a different way of looking at things and the stark reality that there will come a time when it won’t matter if I have regrets or not. This realization has made it clear to me the importance of trying hard to live without regrets with the hope that one day I will be fortunate enough to leave this place content and satisfied.
