It’s 10pm. In two hours it will be December 22, my birthday.

Birthday’s are nothing special when they happen at Christmas time, but this year is a little different as I will be turning 50 in a couple hours.

My last day of my 49th year has been busy, and it’s just now that I have a minute to stop and collect my thoughts.

I wish there had been an internet like this one when I was 20, and that I had a blog. It would be very interesting to see what my 20 year old self might have said about turning 50. I suspect that almost nothing I would have predicted 30 years ago would have happened. But I’ll take a shot.

• I’d be married for 35+ years
• I’d have 2 kids
• I’d be far up in a large company
• I’d have a comfortable retirement nest egg
• I’d have traveled to places like Italy and Ireland
• My kids would be in college

I’ll be 50 in a couple hours, so here’s how that list I would have made at 20 compares to the reality of today.

• I’m twice divorced
• I have 3 amazing kids
• I’m self employed
• What’s retirement?
• I’ve been to Canada a bunch of times
• 2 of 3 kids are in college

Of course there are lots of other life things that I might have added back then, but it’s safe to say that my life at 50 is nothing like I would have imagined back when I was 20. Sometimes it feels like I’m watching someone else’s life given how far it has gone from what I would have predicted.

But that’s ok. My first 50 years have been interesting, to say the least. I truly believe that I’ve learned a lot, and that the next 50 years have the potential to be amazing thanks to everything I’ve learned. (Yes, I hope to live another 50 years. I believe my generation will expect to live longer than those before us, and to live reasonably well.)

So in the final few hours of my 49th year, what sticks out most?

• I’m grateful beyond words that my kids are healthy and happy, and that they are genuinely good humans. Each of them are already better people than I am.
• I’ve survived two brutally abusive marriages. I could easily write a book about both, but thanks to a really good counselor I’ve finally figured out how I ended up in those situations, and more importantly how to not end up in them ever again. I am extremely grateful for this revelation otherwise I’d be doomed to keep repeating the same mistakes.
• I’m self employed. It still sounds weird to say it. Some days I find it terrifying! I miss getting paid every two weeks! But I’ve learned a ton, and 2021 was a remarkable year. There’s no reason to think 2022 won’t continue the upward trend. I’m very grateful to not be stuck at a cubicle having the life sucked out of me every day.
• I’m still here. It occurred to me today that a fair number of people I went to high school and college with did not make it to 50, or anywhere close for that matter. Life is a fleeting gift that can be taken from any of us at any moment.
• There’s still lots to do. Real estate and loan signings have been an improvement from corporate life, but this is still not the life I want. I’m a slave to other people’s whim’s, my time is absolutely not my own. I have the skills to begin building income streams online, and that’s the only way I will achieve the freedom I seek. I want to be free to work on my time from anywhere on the planet with an internet connection. driving 5,000 miles a month, having people walk away from deals at the last possible second, and always doing things on timelines other people set is still not freedom. but freedom is attainable, if I choose it.

That’s about it for my 49th year. I could probably write 100 blog posts about the past 50 years. But that would be looking backward, I need to keep my eyes focused on the road ahead!