18 Rules

I hate calling this a list of rules, it would be nice if they were just 18 good ideas to make the world a better place. Rules sounds to formal and authoritarian. Whatever the case, they make more sense than most. 

At the turn of this century, the Dalai Lama issued the following eighteen rules for living.

Rule 1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

Rule 2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson

Rule 3. Follow the three Rs: 1. Respect for self 2. Respect for others 3. Responsibility for all your actions.

Rule 4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

Rule 5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

Rule 6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

Rule 7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

Rule 8. Spend some time alone every day.

Rule 9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.

Rule 10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Rule 11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.

Rule 12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

Rule 13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.

Rule 14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.

Rule 15. Be gentle with the earth.

Rule 16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.

Rule 17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

Rule 18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Proud Papa

Today my kids and I spent the day at Destiny USA in Syracuse. I had not been there since college, and before Carousel Mall became Destiny USA. I was blown away by the whole thing, but mostly by my kids.

The mall has a rope course, one where they put you in a harness and you walk through various obstacles. It’s on the very top floor of the mall, at points it is 75 feet from the mall floor. To be honest, it scared the hell out of me. 

But the kids wanted to try it, and to be honest, when I felt that fear inside me, I decided that I needed to try it as well. 

So we bought our tickets, strapped in, and went for it. The girls were ok, although a little nervous. My youngest made it to 1 platform and started crying.

An older gentleman who was working in the course came over and was very reassuring, and took Mark across 2 obstacles. From there Mark seemed ok. 

I struggled too, thanks to my dislike of heights, but I pressed on. 

I could see that the girls were becoming more confident as they went along, and before long I saw that Mark was far ahead of me, off on his own, doing his best. 

To make a long story short, we all kept going for quite a while. At one point I could see Mark, and that he had had enough. So I collected him and we headed for the exit. The girls stayed out a little while longer, but soon we were all back on solid ground. 

The kids were excited, and relieved. They all said they were terrified, but excited. 

Frankly, I was amazed. All 3 kids were afraid, but they pushed on. (The older worker who helped my son told me later that most kids who get to the first stand and start crying never go any further, they turn back, and that Mark had done an amazing job). 

I wasn’t proud because the kids spent 30 minutes holding ropes 75 feet above a marble floor, but I was proud because all 3 of them were afraid, but they didn’t stop. As we were talking afterward I explained to them that the fear was perfectly natural, but that when they took the chance to conquer their fear, they were learning a valuable lesson. 

Hopefully they learned that we all have fear, and that we have the choice to go back to where it’s safe, or to press on. My kids are generally good, helpful, polite, decent people, but I’ve never been more proud of them than I was today. 

I was proud that they conquered their fears, but I was also proud that they did something that I could not or would not at their age. I’m proud because today I left the mall believing that my kids will grow up to be a better person than I am (in various ways), and that makes me proud, and happy.